Today’s blog entry, my ladies, is me having a little fun with what I would like to crown as “My Little Pearls of Maybe-Wisdom!”😂 Yes, some of you might think I have got no idea what I’m talking about, some of you might think, “Hey, she’s got a point albeit wobbly!” In any event, I love women and it is my number one dream for all women to know their worth and to act accordingly because you deserve it! If I can make one woman feel good about herself each day of my life, then you can bury me with poison ivy panties tomorrow! Since i was young i have always had this Godly or Divine reverence towards women in general. Yes, some woman sometimes feel this “Queenly” reverence towards themselves, but that’s just stupid. I think i love women and their wellbeing so much because that is the kind of reverence my mother had for me. I equate motherly love with divinity and this divinity I equate to Womanhood, if you know what i mean and because of that it flows through to my daily life in my interaction with women in general. So, my ladies, i see you all as Queens.😊 I am one chromosome short of being gay, lol.
The main thing about this blog entry is actually to make you smile.😊 By no means am I dissing any of you or your choices… except point 10. I simply camnot negotiate on point 10! That shit’s nasty as hell! Now keep in mind, this article is for fun and to humor you. If you learn something from it, then I’m happy and if not, then at least smile.😊
Anyhew, so I sat back for a few days and wondered how and where to start on this article and then I realized, the one thing that I am really bad at might actually help me formulate and order my thoughts this time: LISTS! I hate lists, I don’t do lists, and I never keep to the list (except when I pick a man for myself. That fool be ticking EVERY box on my list because I don’t do half ass cuntbags. I made that mistake once, and definitely twice shy!)
In any event, I formulated a list of my thoughts regarding dating, relationships and our attitude towards ourselves and men when we are out there in the hunting field or in a comfy relationship (lol). What can we let slide and what deep shit should we definitely deal with in a relationship? You see, when I met that scoundrel (you know who), way back, ain’t nobody be warning me what I should look out for!
And just so BTW:
Anyway, Nobody gave me a list of what constitutes an asshole! Ain’t nobody was holding up a warning sign with flashing lights saying, “KEEP PAST THAT ASSHOLE>DO NOT PASS HOME>DO NOT COLLECT $200!”
I wish someone did! (Ok, maybe not, otherwise I would not have had my precious child😊).
Anyway, here goes:
1. Ever found yourself next to a person in a train or bus and that person farts and then looks you right in the eye like it was you?
If you were Ever in this situation then you would know the feeling of disgust, annoyance, embarrassment… now that is EXACTLY how you make a man feel when you keep texting or calling him even though the last time he showed interest in you was when Bomber jackets was still the In-thing. Let it go, hun. Don’t be nobody’s stinky, uncalled-for fart. If YOU have to text a guy twice in a row without response, LET IT GO. Move on to bigger and better penises. Trust me, he’ll wonder where you went or IF there was a plausible and reasonable explanation for his silence then he’ll text/call YOU and he will let you know…
…and what if he never calls or text you back, you might ask? My fok, then it mos means he doesn’t Want you! So what you gonna do, send texts and call until Vodacom or MTN MAKES him like you???
2. Most men enjoy hanging with the boys and going out (me gots no problem with that)… but if your man PREFERS to go places without you, then it is time to… wait for it… THINK! Ye, think! Think, why? Men who are really in love or care about their partner, prefer doing things With their loved one and even if they love their boys and the outside world, they Still prefer that you come… Of course there will be times where it will be plain crazy for you to be at a certain affair, but Don’t fool yourself by thinking it is normal if spouses or girlfriends or sidechicks and hoermeide is Never invited, hunnies! There is a REASON why that fella be out without you all the time – it is because he is DOING things that you would not approve of! Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying he be clinging to you like a cheap Christmas trimming every time, but what I am saying is, is that a man who PREFERS to do things without you is a man whose ass needs to be watched or dumped cause that fool is UP to something…
3. Please don’t think your body or your looks is all you need to find a man. The last time I thought I had a nice body a sonofabitch dumped me pregnant, so Please don’t bargain on your curves? It is easy to Get a man when you have a nice body, but to Keep him, with your little empty, bubble brain, is the big question.
A man (a real man) finds attractive more than just the junk in your trunk. A real man loves a woman that takes care of herself, that respects herself, a woman that can hold a conversation and hold her own. A real man finds attractive especially a woman who empowers herself, educates herself without finding excuses (like I fell pregnant or my goldfish died). Being real pretty but stupid really ain’t cute.
Own up to the mistakes you have made in your past, dust yourself off and move the fuck on. We all make mistakes and it is in Your hands how and when you bounce back. If you think your body and looks is all you need to get through life then get ready to be replaced as soon as that shit starts drooping. Your best bet will be a mofo that posts more selfies than you do. (Ps: on that note, don’t trust a guy that posts a lot of selfies on social media – trust me, it’s Not to impress YOU) OR:
And lastly, never play dumb to make a man feel manly.
That shit don’t play on MY TV! If you need to play dumb to make a man feel good about himself then you might as well cut your brains out and plug it into your vagina cause you are now officially Thinking with it and you Shall pay the price!😂
4. If you met an asshole, be ready to sit with an asshole for however long you choose to. Us ladies have this fucked up theory that we can change a man…
So here you come and think a perpetual asshole will just change overnight because what, he Love you so much? Don’t be naive now, hunnie.👍
There is no such thing as a perfect man, but there Is such a thing as an asshole and they seem to be rife these days.
Although no one is too good to turn bad, as fuck does it take longer and a bigger effort for a person to go from bad to good. Do you really, seriously, do you REALLY have time for that shit, as a woman, Especially when our neck skin starts showing signs of gravity around 35? Who the fuck has time to WAIT for a man to grow up or man up?!
No ladies, if you are ready to settle, please don’t waste your time trying to convert an asshole into a heart shaped cookie. By the time that fool says right, you will be well on your way to retirement and his ass will be baked crispy and just right for some other bitch who happens to be at the right place at the right time. I can, however tell you, there IS a Mr. Perfect-for-you (one that you learn to love with all his flaws (although another woman won’t touch his ass with a ten-foot pole! Lmao!), but the point is, If a guy can’t be what you need him to be at Go-time or at least have workable qualities then let the fool go. (And when I say loving a man with all his flaws I don’t mean loving him with his taste for other women or beating on you. That’s not a flaw, that’s a weakness. Too many women don’t know the difference!). And a little side note: If a man don’t feel the need to change for you all by himself, then you’re not the one, Hun. You can maar Believe it. As Kevin Hart says, there is also a horse with a horn on its head and it’s called a unicorn, don’t mean you can get you one. (Don’t know how it’s relevant to what I just said, but it sounds cool).
5. If you wear socks with flip flops it’s your problem. Don’t be asking ME why you can’t get laid. Yes, personality is a great attribute, but please don’t look like shit and expect Brad Pitt to fall for you. Slap on some mascara and lip gloss from time to time FFS! Now you come cry on Mamahood anonymously about the spark that’s gone from you relationship!😂 You can get half a spark back Just by brushing your damn hair! Looks are certainly not everything, but as fuck can you expect people to take you seriously if you wear sandals with long ass toe nails (when meeting someone new) or go to bed with a 3 day old pantie if u are in a relationship already. Look at it this way: As a child the wrapping of the gift got you excited before you even knew what was inside the box, right? Now the same with people in general when meeting someone new; they get excited over the wrapping and depending on what they really need or want, that determines how they feel about the contents of the wrapping. So see your looks as wrapping and what you’ve got to offer as the contents – and your contents should be self-respect, love, and humility, sense of self, confidence and self-love. Meaning, TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF on the outside and that way you will attract excited little boys (or keep your current guy focused, lol) and once you reveal the awesomeness of your contents they’ll be like: “Da fuck I found my bae for right here!” Ain’t nobody interested to get to know or see your contents if your wrapping looks kak. And guess what, if a guy is ONLY attracted to your wrapping and have no interest in your contents, then save your contents and wrapping for a guy who is worth it. That’s the truth of the matter. But in general, Nobody likes a disheveled human being unless you are Johnny Depp.
6. Learn something new Every day. No matter how busy you are with snotty kids or house work, always make sure you learn at least ONE new thing per day. Nothing screams sexy more than a woman that can talk senseful shit(I don’t know if senseful is a real word). Whether you are a stay at home mom or a career woman such as myself – DO shit, talk shit and especially do and talk shit that gives you a sense of purpose. READ, SERVE THE NET, TALK TO OTHER MOMS, MAKE SOMETHING WITH YOUR HANDS, BUT JUST DO SOMETHING! Even if playing with your kids all day gives you satisfaction and a sense of purpose then do all of that! If your kids are at school then play with Yourself! Just do anything that will make you learn or discover something new, albeit something about yourself or something new about the world – just make sure you LEARN something! Nothing makes a woman feel more worthless than a worthless piece of shit partner and not learning shit for long periods of time.
7. Don’t be afraid to be alone. Although most women won’t admit it, they’ll let a lot of shit slide because they are afraid of being alone. Trust me, you will attract the weirdest kak out there if you fill time and space with all kinds of creatures, because you are afraid of being alone. Or even worse, when you sit with a disrespectful, good for nothing, cheating motherfucker because you think they will do or get better than you if you leave or speak up. Hun, if you ever feel unhappy in a relationship but it scares you that your man will do better than you if you leave him or you are afraid of being alone, then consider this a fucking warning bell, because that is bullshit! Learn to LOVE yourself and then only can you be alone with yourself… and that probably won’t be for long, because I have learned that Real men are attracted to women who love themselves and who is not afraid to put their needs first and stand alone. Weak ass, control freak, narcissistic men prefer that you don’t. Nobody will give you love and respect if you yourself don’t even love and respect yourself. It’s like a fanny fart – no smell or purpose to it, just a sound that means fuck all, but is embarrassing as hell. Don’t sell yourself short. Trust me, you are missing out on your dream guy while you are entertaining Mr. Good-Fo-Nuthin’. And besides, even though YOU pretend not to see his trifling, cheating, disrespectful ways to make yourself feel better, do know that other people see and know… and they are laughing behind your back. And yes, they think you are stupid. Trust me.
8. Don’t let him flip the script on you and if he wants to leave let the brother leave – If there’s trouble in paradise, you either fight for him (if you know you’re full of shit) or let him GO if he’s the problem (and I mean the problem being unfaithfulness and disrespect, not you having PMS). LET.HIM.GO – It only means that shit was never meant to be. If you want to be that girl who can wait indefinitely for a man to treat you right, then you do that. Just don’t come crying to me if you hit 40 and he dumps you and gets engaged to a 22 year old barlady called Nikita while nobody wants your extra matured ass no more. I’m just saying.
Him and Nikita:
Ever notice how men chase on shit and if u confront them dan is hulle die kwaadste and the most indignant like YOU did something wrong?
So annoying! Girl, don’t let that fool flip the script on you! If he overstepped or did you wrong and he makes You feel like YOU did something wrong it is time to lay down the rules of the game. (But i can tell you it won’t work.😆) Look,If it’s about who left the fridge door open or whose turn it is to cook, then of course, don’t be tweezing fanny hairs about that, but if it’s about him staying out all night coming from who knows where and the moment you voice your disappointment or disapproval and then all of a sudden it is because of you that this or that happened – hunny, you might not want to hear it, but that fool is playing you. A wise woman once said (I think it was my mom), if a man wants to be with a woman, nothing in the world can keep him from her, but if a man don’t want a woman, nothing in the world will make him stay… So if you think getting pregnant (oldest trick in the book, lol!) or getting him to marry you will make him stay – keep dreaming.
At some point when you least need or expect it that fool will up and leave your needy ass right on the couch with 4 kids under 5 years old.
9. Sucker for a bad boy? Aren’t we all? But look, if you’re like sixteen years old then that shit flies. But if you are a grown ass woman and
especially a mother then that’s just plain stupid and selfish.
And besides, don’t be dragging your kids into your damn fantasies! The luxury of dating the bad boy goes out the fucking window the moment you have kids that looks up to you. Instead of having men walking through your front door like it’s KFC, Have the kind of man in your life that your little girl can look up to and can strife for one day. A man that stays and fights the good fight with you and not just ordering wings to go leaving your kids confused each time! Similarly, find a man that your son can look up to, especially if his own father is an asshole. It is plain fucking selfish to bring the bad boy up into your house, disrespecting shit and meaning fuck-all to your kids except making You feel good.
It is not just about YOU ANYMORE. When I dated as a single mother I made sure that I date somebody that can be a potential father figure to my child. A person that she can look up to and that can be an example to her. When you have kids you must find a man for ALL of you, not just for yourself. You are a package and if a guy can’t accept that then ‘off he must fuck’, says Yoda. Yes sure, sometimes it’s nice to just be random with an oke, but then don’t bring the fool up into your house and into your kids’ personal space and lives! Look, sometimes finding a guy that ticks ALL the boxes seems impossible, but at least consider your children when you decide on who and what you bring into their lives. And please, just as you can’t change no ho into no housewife (actually you can,*wink*wink, lmao!) you can’t change a pig into Lassie, unless the pig Wants to be Lassie. It’s all fun and games until somebody falls in love or farts in bed, so make sure all parties to the game knows the rules and is on board! 😉 Do go head and refer to point 4.
And ladies, when you meet a new guy…. My mom used to say, you’ll lose him the way you Got him! So be careful now.😨 I don’t think I need to tell ya’ll this so I’ll just leave this right here…
10. WEARING CROCS IS NEVER OKAY!!!!
There you go girls! Hope you enjoyed the article! Let me know what you think! And let me know if you want me to add more points, lol! Inbox me on Facebook!😉
Oh and always remember, ladies:
Don’t do it!😂😂😂😂
Don’t forget you are special!